Oops... Life has kind of gotten in the way of blogging lately. My birthday was July 12, and, to be honest... I refuse to have another one. From this point forward, each year on that date, I will declare myself a year younger, and I am plan on working my way back to 21. At that point, I will work my way up again, slowly. Maybe advancing my age by one year every other year on July 12. I know, I know... I'm a genius.
Things have been hectic for me, as is par for the course generally. Someone very dear to me is going through some problems, and I am trying everything I can to help them through it, but it's difficult. This person is kind of shutting the world out right now, and it's killing me to see them in such pain. But I am taking it a day at a time, gently remind this person that I am there if they need me.
Which brings me to something that is weighing heavily on me lately: LOVE. It's no coincidence that love is a four-letter word. Let's look at it, shall we? If I say "love", what comes to mind? Romance, perhaps? That special someone that gives you butterflies every time you see them, or hear their voice? The overwhelming feeling for your family and friends? I think love in and of itself is a good thing. It's PEOPLE that fuck it up.
Too many of us have been there... You give your heart and soul to someone, only to have them laugh in your face as they stomp your hopes into the ground. They lie to you, cheat on you, treat you like shit. But do we give up on love? Maybe temporarily, but oh, we are most certainly gluttons for punishment, because eventually we find ourselves loving again. And the cycle repeats itself.
Are humans such vile creatures that we can't love unconditionally? I mean, honestly, I cannot even find the words to explain what love is to me. It's this huge bundle of emotion that just wants to burst out of me, and I can't describe it, because there aren't words that are powerful enough to me. Am I the only person that feels that way? And if love is so wonderful... why do we stray? Why do our feelings change? What is it that defines love???
Yes, I am most definitely up way too fucking late. My thoughts are not even connected at this point, and I can't even go to bed because all the beds are FULL at my house. So I am sitting up at 5 a.m., feeling like shit, pondering my own mortality and what I am doing with my life, and freezing my ass off. Fun stuff, that is.
I will leave you with this for now. I am sure it makes even less sense to you than it does to me, so don't be surprised if this gets deleted at some point in the future.
Peace.
